So it was just about a year ago now that I was in Queens, tequila shots poised, checking the match results on my phone....a friend and I had gotten off of work early so we wouldn't have to check our results at the hospital. I wasn't worried about matching...I thought I had a sure thing set up. So on our way to the little cantina where we decided that we would check our results (s/p tequila shots and a margarita or two), we went to a church so my friend could light a candle. I also tried to light one, but it wouldn't light. Neither would the second or the third ones that I tried. I eventually gave up, half laughing at the situation, thinking that maybe it was cause I was a Jew, trying to light a candle in a catholic church. My friend joked that maybe it was a sign.....maybe he was right. We got to the cantina, where we were told they didn't open until noon; we told them what the day was, and about the email we would receive at noon, and they let us sit....and even bought us a round of shots. A few minutes later, we were on our phone's ready to check our emails....and then....
-oh-shit-
To say that I was devastated doesn't quite put into words how I felt. I hadn't matched?! Are you F*&$ing KIDDING me?! I felt numb, and started crying. Then one by one I started getting texts and phone calls from friends - "I matched!!", "All good!!", and "How'd it go?" I didn't want to reply. I didn't want to face what had happened. Then my parents called, all the way from New Zealand where they were on vacation - "Tell me good news and tell me that you matched!!!!" yelled my dad when I picked up the phone. I couldn't say anything. I just cried and blubbered into the phone.
I spent the next few hours collecting myself, sobering up to the reality of the situation (both literally and figuratively), and making my way home from Queens to Manhattan. I spent my evening putting together a resume, a cover letter, and calling around to beg friends to take the day off to help me scramble. I am lucky that I have great friends - 8 of them took off work and sat with me at a Brooklyn apartment faxing, emailing and calling around all day....we applied to over 500 positions in all specialties (all the positions available), and this was after the great ERAS crash of 2011. We were getting nothing, and the spots were getting to be fewer and fewer with every update on the web browser.
And then....
Then I got a call from Dr. B, my current program director. It was loud in our room, so I didn't hear what the program was, or what specialty I was interviewing for, but I had heard his name. I scribbled it down on a piece of paper and handed it to Layne, asking her to figure out who I was talking to. In the meantime, I went into one of the bedrooms, and started my phone interview (note: not an easy task when you have no idea what specialty you're interviewing for). We chatted about school, and what I wanted out of a career in medicine. Within a few minutes he was making fun of my Canadian accent, and then he pulled in several residents and some faculty to chat with me too. We ended up talking for almost an hour and then he said to me...
"So let me put you on hold for a minute so I can see what everyone's thinking....never mind; nods all around. The position is yours if you want it."
I didn't know what to say. I had a job. It was in Fort Wayne. And Hubbs was in Phoenix....for 2 more years. I asked them for some time to talk to him about things, and they said they couldn't hold the position for long, but would love to have me. I got off the phone and after a quick pep talk from Gia (essentially "you have to take it.") and a quick chat with Hubbs (essentially "you have to take it"), I called back the program and accepted the position. And then I cried. Two more years away from my man?! Could I do it? Did I have a choice? No. But I had a job. I had to thank my lucky stars for that.
Flash forward to now....here I am at the program I scrambled into, and I'm happier than I think I could have been had I matched to any of the places I ranked (or any of the places I interviewed at and was too stupid to rank). Not matching was very really the best thing that ever happened to me....I couldn't see it at the time, but I wouldn't change a flipping thing if I could go back....well, maybe I would have actually applied to this program and saved myself all the tears ;-) The icing on the cake to all this was that in February last year, I saw a psychic, just to see how things were panning out....I told her nothing about who I was or what I did. She told me I was almost a doctor, told me I would have a successful career, and she told me that in mid-March there would be some "big goings-on" that would leave me "devastated and broken." Then she told me that one year later I would look back and say that "it was the best thing that ever could have happened to you." She was right. Kicker of it all too was that she told me I was going to end up "near Chicago....near Detroit....I can't quite figure out what city you'll be moving to next year, but it's somewhere in the mid-west." I brushed her off, thinking to myself "okay crazy lady....I didn't even apply to anywhere in the mid-west." Joke's on me I guess!
My point here is to encourage those friends of mine who did not match to never give up, and never feel like your fate is sealed until you seal it for yourself. It's the lowest of the low reading the words "We're sorry, you did not match to any position," but believe me when I tell you, that this is not necessarily the end to your story. I'm a believer that everything in life happens for a reason, and when bad things happen, that reason is usually revealed later. Stay strong, stay determined, and stay dedicated to what you have worked so hard to accomplish, and somehow things will work out.
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